And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
