No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
