I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it's great music for shaving your balls
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
