I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
