covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why do cheetos always look like penises
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
