I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize