and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
