i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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