Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize