I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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