What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
