I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
