connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
