I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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