i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
