Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
