I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize