Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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