Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
