barbara walters just said penis...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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