the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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