Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
