I wish life had little blips of pornography
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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