I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
