my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
