he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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