plz talk dirty to me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude i'm inner monologue high
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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