Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
