Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
