Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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