Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize