she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
