I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
