honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
