Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
