Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
