The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
