So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
