...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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