just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
