I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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