Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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