did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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