just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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