swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
