ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His nipple licking is glorious
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