i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
