He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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