Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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