i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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