umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize