woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
