I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
