Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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