we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
