I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize