Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he shaved USA in his pubs
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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