I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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