So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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