we have officially lost it.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
