I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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