That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
