also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
