Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i think i just lost a toe
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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