We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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