the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
