Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
