So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
