I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
