oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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