oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
