Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
