Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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