Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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