The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I intend to get homeless drunk
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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