Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
