I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
