pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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